How to Handle a Toddler

2 year olds. Don't you just love 'em? Especially when they are rolling around the floor having a good old tantrum. So, are there any tips for making the terrible twos a little less terrible?

First of all, don't be fooled by them! Just because they are little, just because they don't talk well, and haven't been around too long, doesn't meant they don't know exactly how to manipulate you to get what they want! Just like anyone else, whatever the age, they will do their best to get the things that they want. And if throwing a temper tantrum or whining, or any other such behavior works to get you to see things their way, then of course they will do it!

So, the best way to deal with such behavior is to treat them like an older child. If they know how to manipulate you, they aren’t that small, really. Here are some suggestions:

A. First, be very clear about what behaviors you will accept and what you won’t. Avoid the non-essentials and focus on the important issues.

B. Secondly, avoid ambiguity. Give clear instructions in plain words. Don’t insinuate or taunt. Your child will most likely not understand what you mean. Make your point and leave it at that; don’t rub it in.

C. If you have spelt out the consequences of not complying with your instruction, carry it out otherwise the meaning of your words will be lost.

D. Another very effective way of getting across something to your two-year-old darling is to use what I call a ‘manners chair’. This is how it works:

Buy a small child's chair and put it in a corner in the room. Whenever your child disobeys your clear instructions purposefully, send him/her to sit in the chair. Use the same words every time you send the child to the chair, so that the chair becomes a reformatory of sorts. For instance, you can say, ‘You seem to have lost your good manners again. You had better go and sit in the chair until you find them again.’

When the child obeys you and does what you have said, it is evidence enough that he has found his manners. Get busy doing your chores and don’t pay attention to his whining. This will serve a double purpose. You can spend the time catching up with work and he will learn something new.

In order to keep this light rather than as a heavy punishment, you can offer to help them to find their manners again. Suggest to them that they may have dropped them under the chair, or in their pockets, or perhaps they even fell in their shoes. This helps to turn them away from whining to a more positive attitude (and turns you from shouting to being helpful). Usually the manners are found pretty quickly.

Once they have found their manners, you can then tell them to do what they were originally supposed to do, or perhaps they need to apologize (eg to their sister for thumping her!).

Unlike with normal time-out (where it is a clear connection with bad behavior = miss out on fun by being in time out), with the manners chair you CAN ask them to apologize, or otherwise revisit the incident, since the evidence of them having found their manners is a return of compliant polite behavior. If they still refuse, then they clearly didn't find their manners, so they need to go back to the manners chair and have another look.

You will need to be careful that it doesn’t become too much of a game so that the purpose gets lost. There has to be a fine balance between ignoring and assisting the child to drive your message into their head. You have to be clear in your mind and draw the lines clearly and try not to break the boundaries.

This helps you remain calm and have a positive attitude. Let your child know you love him but you will not tolerate bad manners. Also, don’t rub it in; tell him you think it was a mistake, and will be corrected. There should be no permanent scars of it.

Now, what about when you are out in public? The key there, as everywhere else, is that you have to mean what you say, say what you mean, and follow up with action.

Consider the following options: 1. Take your child in a corner and tell him that you will resume the activity after he has found his manners.

2. You could take him out in the car and stand out, looking away, till he finds his manners. It’s best to be absolutely quiet and avoid any discussion on the subject.

3. Abandon the shopping trip and go home and do the time out there.

Let me assure you that you will not have to do this many times. If you mean business, they will not disobey you. But, if you are not clear, they will go on trying to see how far they can go. For further information read my book. Here is the link:

All this is based on the foundational principles in my book, which can help you handle your toddler positively and pleasantly and save you the guilt of losing it once again.

Article Source: http://publisherscloninghouse.com

Dr. Noel Swanson writes frequently for Yes Parenting website and also has a free newsletter on children's behavior problems.
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